On a tennis court, you learn this within your first year of teaching: telling someone what to do in the moment doesn’t build a better player. It just builds dependence on you.
What actually works is coaching. It’s slower. It’s less satisfying in the short term, because you don’t get to be the hero who saved the point. But over time, you build someone who makes the right call on their own, under pressure, with nobody standing over their shoulder.
From the court to the brokerage
I brought that same philosophy into training new agents in their first year at the brokerage. You can manage someone’s tasks — tell them what to say, what to send, when to follow up. That’s commanding, and it works, right up until you leave the room.
Or you can coach them: build their judgment, their instincts, their standards, so they perform exactly the same way whether you’re watching or not. That takes longer to see results from. But it’s the only version that scales past your own attention.
The feedback difference
Commanding feedback sounds like correction: “don’t say that, say this instead.” Coaching feedback sounds like a question: “what were you trying to accomplish there, and what else could get you there?” One produces someone who needs you in the room. The other produces someone who thinks the way you’d think, even when you’re not.
Managing tasks gets you compliance. Coaching people gets you a team that doesn’t need you in the room to succeed. Coached, not bossed.
This is the foundation of my leadership keynote, Coached, Not Bossed — built for anyone managing a team of humans, not just tasks. Learn more and book a date.
[…] Coaching Beats Commanding […]