I spent twelve years teaching tennis before I ever trained a real estate agent, and the two jobs turned out to be the same job. Both are about helping someone do a hard thing slightly better than they did it yesterday, without making them feel small in the process.
Bossing versus coaching
A boss tells you what you did wrong. A coach shows you what to do next. The difference sounds subtle until you are the one on the receiving end, and then it is everything.
The standard and the warmth have to arrive in the same sentence, or people only hear one of them.
When I correct a serve or a listing presentation, I am not lowering the bar to be kind. I am holding the bar exactly where it belongs and standing next to the person while they reach it.
Three ways to make feedback land
- Be specific about the behavior, not the person.
- Pair every correction with the reason it matters to them.
- Give people something to do, not just something to feel bad about.
People will run through walls for a coach who clearly wants them to win. They will quietly update their resume for a boss who only points at the wall.